Comments on: Please rate my essay if you have time thank you?

By: Robert S

Robert S — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 16:37:35 +0000

Although the http://www.twilocity.com program used for this review references texts that you may not be familiar with, you can use a grammar book to look up the noted item:
—————————————-
One by one< <[one-by-one, one-on-one(s), or one-to-one (add hyphen)]-, kid [kid(s)]--for humans, use [child] or [children] in formal writing by kid [kid(s)]--for humans, use [child] or [children] in formal writing, <> child-by-child religion is creeping up on us

Religion prevents scientific achievement and puts a halt to scientific studies. Therefore, The effects of religion is that which prevents scientific achievement and puts a halt to scientific studies. They [They<

Catholicism also prevents abortion and the use of contraceptives, which has resulted in millions becoming infected with HIV/AIDS, as well as unwanted pregnancies. Such unwanted pregnancies create pressure on impoverished societies. Pope Benedict XVI, quoted, >>the following quote mark is incorrectly positioned (extra space before/after), should be a single quote mark, or the matching quote mark is missing–check< <>> “Scripture does not explicitly mention abortion, but as the official interpreter of the Scriptures, he said that the commandment “You shall not kill” applies to abortion as well. There are also [are also] {split verb phrase/order of words}–if what follows is a verb, move [also] before the verb phrase unless it creates ambiguity] other references which<< [which] APA prefers to reserve [which] (comma required before) for nonrestrictive information (interesting, but nonessential-can be excluded)–use [that] (no comma before or after) for restrictive information (essential to the meaning of the sentence)see APA p. 55 state that an unborn baby is a human person, such as Psalm 51:5, Psalm 139:13-16 and Jeremiah 1:5. ) [Although References are not required for major classical works, such as Greek works, Roman works, and the Bible; identifying the version used in the first citation is required-see APA 3.100, p. 213].Such major decisions should not be decided<

By: kieth

kieth — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 16:31:14 +0000

I liked it…very gutsy, passionate. a topic that always
creates lots of controversy…

The first paragraph had me wondering why you didn’t
mention the Muslim faith…yes you mentioned the
36,000 + others…are you allowed only so many
words…just curious…

The 5th paragraph I had to re-read several times, you
may want to go over that and fine tune it…

Do you need to mention separately where you got
your info from? The books, magazines, those that
wrote the articles, the date they were written???

It is important that quotes, material from other
sources be documented…

Check your spelling…

Maybe some balance put into your essay…by that
I mean science/research is necessary but there is
a hardness, a lack of emotion, and sometimes
a detachment to real life when it is only scientific…

You bet Religions are all powerful and do control
the masses but so does science, politics, money
and greed…

Don’t ever be afraid of a challenge, question those in
authority…write controversial articles…

Write with passion, knowledge and most importantly
and open mind…

By: kawaiisuzakuwarrior

kawaiisuzakuwarrior — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 15:45:32 +0000

You should develop your arguments further, and give a ‘conclusion’ at the end of each paragraph to tie it to your point. This will make your point stronger. And the reader will not go, “why are you saying this?”

By: Beetle

Beetle — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 15:14:23 +0000

Hi Andy

I am not an expert by any means on critiquing a paper…

Having said that I will do my best…